Clinical Significance

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2010

I can't properly take a blood pressure nor do I stay on a multi-tasking path. I've learned an incredible amount regarding social norms - essentially reigning myself in and public appropriateness.

I'm starting my first clinical hours, tomorrow, in a geriatric home. My task list includes 3 items: blood pressure, respiratory rate and heart rate. My 1-2-3 style seems lacking in organization and so I'm hoping that those more advanced in years won't notice my ragged attempts at assimilation.

Practical things elude me for their menial overtones. Ironically, my simplest joys stem from serving others. Perhaps, panning back my view of the insignificant will allow me to embrace what had no bearing, in my mind, to importance. Simply put, recognizing that everything counts.

Philosophy from a bedpan.

Elvira

FRIDAY, AUGUST 20, 2010

Elvira is an apt nickname for a character created nearly a decade ago.
My name, however, means sweet and pleasant. I'm on a journey to return to that sentiment.

I'm learning to communicate and to take notice of another's perspective -- like I'm reliving adolescence!
Often a painful process resulting in tears.

Recently, I've been thinking about wanderlust and adventure. I'm pondering what makes me tick, now, rather than what I wanted five (5) years ago. Some things never change - yet, priorities do and this may change the outcome.

I was reminded of my cryptic take on conversation which assumes one's understanding of me. I'm starting to see its selfishness. Instead, I can ask: What's in my patient's best interest? --> How will my listener best digest what I'm saying?

Running the risk of over-talking I try to speak in "internet/text" terms. Unfortunately, the shortcuts require explanations. Were I to find efficiency through filtering on the inside; I may succeed in speaking less.

This is a lesson that I'm struggling with.

Naomi = "enjoyment, pleasure, or gratification" in Hebrew / "honest, straight and beautiful" in Japanese

Keener Skillz

SATURDAY, JUNE 26, 2010

I'm loving every second of this course -- classmates, teachers and course material. We're developping a tradition @ Jack Astor's, every Friday for lunch... great discount being Paramedic students ;)

My days start at 5am (5.30 when I'm a little tired) and I have an hour commute to Barrie. Class runs from about 8 till noon and then I stick around until about 4pm - studying, practising and generally socialising with the afternoon class.

Back at the gym, regularly, after getting settled into the new schedule. I'm procrastinating right now from some assignments due this week BUT that's the way of student life! :P

They're easing us into this which allows me more time than I expected. However, the extra time is allowing me to remain ahead of the curve, for now.

Miss you, friends!

<3

3 weeks in

THURSDAY, MAY 27, 2010

Completed one course; had two tests and currently studying for four classes, daily. The worst part is getting to bed on time. The second worst is planning enough food for the day. However, I'm LOVING this!!!

Started Chemistry, yesterday. I was nearly jumping out of my skin with excitement... relating it all back to relationships was SUCH a rush :)

I was distracted at the start of the next chapter so I need to do some followup reading :(

Just about everyone is friendly and the weather makes for good congregating. The previous class is throwing us a welcome party in a couple weeks -- that should make for some good stories :D

I'm learning that immediate results aren't the norm and I need to be okay with that. Whether multi-tasking or not... most persons are pre-occupied by more than a couple things at a time.

Personally, I feel settled in. Now there's room for me to make waves in other areas of my life --however, remaining focused on school. Oh the balancing...

Flying High

SATURDAY, MAY 1, 2010

After yesterday's orientation, I'm stoked! I've been preparing for my own mental Olympics and the hard work is paying off. My new goal is to ACE my courses... no longer do I feel incapable.

Glancing around the room, I've noticed four lads. I need gym buddies & a study partner for Anatomy and Physiology!!!

*lol*

It's going to be intense but I was made for this.

*insert some kind of reinforcing grunt*

Pending Paramedic Career

MONDAY, APRIL 26, 2010

Starting from scratch -- I'll be helping people. Barring the World War Nursing occupation and the folly of me learning, incessantly, without being unleashed upon the world; Paramedicine is my chosen career path.

My program is 52 weeks and at its completion I'll be heading into the Northern Wild Yonder -- Thunder Bay, Kapuskasing, Long Lac or the like. This is to work in Air Ambulance!

In February, I got accepted to private school. In March, I regularly worked out. In April, I prepared my living space for school. On the cusp of May, I'm counting down the days with double workouts, completing notes on the course's main textbook and organizing a food agenda so as not to de-rail all of my efforts thus far.

Taking CPR/First Aid, this past weekend, opened my eyes to how keen I really am! Sitting at the front of the class and helping my classmates while still charming my way into new friendships. In two weeks I'll be surrounded by 24 people that'll be family for the next year. I'm anticipating social gatherings with these strangers along with late night study vigils. Hopefully the strengths of each one will create a memorable year that allows for weaknesses to be covered.

I'll delight in the company of buff, tender-hearted and uniformed men. I'm hoping to lift weights with them -- I'll be the weakest link BUT that'll make ME stronger -- not that I'm competitive...

My ambition will keep me from failing. However, I'm in need of motivation to remain balanced. Planning ahead is gruelling for me. Sticking to a plan is torture! The rigorous schedule is incremented in half hours. This MAY allow for 10 minute windows (which add up, especially regarding procrastination).

Aside from regarding the "rule of the hour" ignoring my nephews is going to be hard. We've been weaning them slowly and I can see their occupation with other endeavours BUT over the next three to five years I'm gonna miss them. Granted, I've enjoyed every possible moment for their first five years of life and we dream/scheme together regarding the next five. When my sister and I were 10 and 11, respectively, we vacationed in England without our parents. Perhaps Seb & Nebs will get to visit me -- shorter flight at younger ages??

So, here I am. School starts in 14 days. I have good muscle definition, can crosstrain for 60 minutes on an elliptical machine and deadlift 165lbs once.

Granted...

Today, I'm procrastinating.  It's Sunday afternoon and I've been musing my day away.  In about half an hour, I'll need to get cracking on my homework but for the moment I'm enjoying thought.


Swirl #1 - familiarity-breeding-contempt
Graciousness allows me to care about another person without their expectations crushing me.  Boundaries allow me the space to enjoy their company without succumbing to assimilation.  Affection allows me the vantage point of wonderment rather than belittling.


Swirl #2 - friendships-old&new
Spontaneous deliberations keep me on track with old friends.  Deliberate spontaneity keeps me making new friends.


Swirl #3 - experienced-wisdom-caught
Hindsight affords insight... a more costly and appropriate approach than a stupid warning sign or pat phrase.  Silent attentiveness affords shared insight... another extravagant pricetag and often the only chance for contribution.


This neapolitan flavoured rumination is connected to my school experience.  These are just snippets, nuggets to ponder and morsels of my rambling brain.

Hello World

I am back on Blogger! This time armed with a touch more information than before - namely Wiki knowledge. So, facebook / myspace / hotmail / lava / tickle - these sites have me mildly addicted. Thankfully, work takes up too much of my time :o) Perhaps letter writing can be added to my list of things to do. Good day!

Bye Blogger

1. can't use blogger at work - too many viruses 2. too many webpages to remember - this is most in one This could go awry, however, due to the number of various groups of people I know. Certain ones know specific areas of my mind. Now, I suppose, is a good time to reflect on my newest addition. Namely a piercing - speaking of which causes flushed cheeks and whinces of pain amongst most :o) Let's just say my wrist tattoo hurt more in the moment but less in the after "glow". There is a show and tell on Friday - at the housewarming. My inclination to faint did not set in until the cleansing process... fainting like when I repierce my nose. On another note - I'm super excited by the playlist on Soma, today. It has been a little TOO unfamiliar, lately. I was pleased to hear some of my fast faves. Random bits of info, I'm sure. Like my ponderings about my nature - am I good or bad? Lots of various thoughts bring me to this question... justification, judgement and uncertainty circle me round time and time again. Hope today is a pleasant one, for you!

My new place

I'm at work, dreaming of what to do with my home! I wonder who to have over for dinner and what state of "unpacking" they should be exposed to. Tonight is my LeeLee girl. Next weekend is father's day and the following is my house warming turned block party!!! Our neighbour Ren took this photo. He is so very good to Gra and I. We all chill out together - no need for doors. No more boasting. We're living the high life, here :o)

balance of things

My "schedule" routinely morphs, however unconscious the attempt. Today, I juggle relationships. Quality time with nephews and chosen friends, backlog of emails (& myspace) with good friends, convo-s at work or some interaction with another human being. Either way, I'm mildly overwhelmed. I remember a time when relationships were just one aspect of my obligations. People are not the burden rather personal expectations choke me into a state of panic. As I examine my life, layer by layer, I recognize the growth extending. Many changes are inside and slowly rise to the surface of my being. Other changes are external and digging their way down to my core. The latter are of significant wonderment, to me. How my disciplines and actions demand a change within... simply from doing (ex. voice lessons). However, my analytical approach to *ahem* character flaws starts with choices deep down. A decision to honestly take stock of myself. I'm pleased to see, too, that extremes need balance. My recognition of inner vs. outer will influence outer vs. inner. The ebb and flow of living. It's all a rhythmic heart beat. Rhythm is part of music. Music is part of theatre. Theatre is playing our part. No, I'm not very artistic :o)

recent kind words

You have such a deep willingness to explore who you are, who you were and who you want to become. I have never met anyone with your sense of self-reflection and self-analysis and it is both inspiring and painful. You have so much to say about your personality. The fact that you are constantly improving and bettering yourself is one of the great things about you.

Holy F**c*k!

http://www.typelogic.com/enfp.html this is a FREAKIN' amazing depiction! http://www.typelogic.com/entp.html hence my hero is Q - from Star Trek ;o) **the random-ness of my search comes from re reading my blog entries... namely: viewpoints/misunderstandings** YAY for the internet!

Trip of all trips

Hello! was it GREAT or what!?! Quarantined for 3 days out of 7. Stinkiest port in the Caribbean. Tyrants exposed in the family (that's me, by the way). Then a week on land - day in Disney / baby back ribs / tan worthy of the "lobster" phase. I brought both my cameras and about 7 rolls of film. Didn't take a single photograph. We had a digital camcorder. Let's just say we lost a lot of breath laughing and screaming! Personally, I further understand the need for inter-dependance. A house is only a home when love is involved. Our family loves one another in a strange and beautiful way. It was difficult - balancing my need for a vacation and the needs around me. My dad hoped we'd sort out our "issues". I felt cheapened by his alterior motives. Sick and wonderful. Assholes and angels. Music and pain. My family :o)

Pitbull on the rise

I like ripping into people. I feel like I've accomplished something different than "sweet and pleasant". ;o) It's nice as a CHANGE, only. As in a vent that explicitly runs through the core. I must tame the wild beast, however, since LOVE covers a multitude of sins. That is relating to my job - dealing with vendors. *ha hahhhhhhahahahahahah* I'm really liking my life. Thanks for the part "you" play :o)

or not so impressed with myself...

last night, as i cleared a path through my room, i got incredibly exhausted! i can't tackle my room in a matter of hours. there are so many "things" that distract me - like hanging a book for notes when i'm not in / organizing my books to height in a shelf no one sees / hanging my clothes on their appropriate hangers.when i look at my room i see so many options!!! and as the psycho analyst in me takes over... that's how i see myself... and true to form, the options are overwhelming.my sister - at my cries of distress - kept calling sanity "i'm coming, i'm coming". while waiting, i fell asleep! needless to say my thoughts for this trip are ridiculous! my dad asked me to underpack - knowing full well my request to bring my forklift worthy photoboxes was going to be denied, i continued with the plausible tasks for my spare time. both my parents tackled me on this, explaining my life cannot be organized from a boat. i'm sure the fun of 24-7 with Seb and Nebs will outweigh any tragedies envisioned by all who know my family ;o) bon voyage to me!

i impress myself

I'm reading through Proverbs, these days. Simple truths that sometimes kick me in the head. 1. don't brag about self - allow others that role 2. if one remains silent - even a fool can be deemed wise 3. harlots vs. wisdom - there's some kind of link Anyhoo. I was compelled to read over my postings for fear of incriminating evidence ;o) - I mean, information. I'm struck by a few things. I like my writing, though. This weekend, an old friend made my heart soar. Her comment was to a couple who didn't "know" me very well, but work closely with my brother. She told them that I had been around since the dawn of creation - noting the fact that I was old school... not a nubie. There's nothing wrong with new people BUT territory means so much to me. More of those animal instincts (ex. biting). My time with my brother has been pleasant, too. I am trusting my family with more of my heart than ever before. Thanks to the "memo" they understand to listen rather than respond. I'm discovering the infantile nature of my emotions. Maybe not childish so much as teenage girl. This is the constipation of it all. Lots brews but not much escapes. However, with the new found trust... across the board, I am a little more open and appropriately so. I'm proud of my steps forward. Keeping quiet about dreams, excitements and ideas is helping the ?perculation? process. More satisfying, too, since the joy of completion is divided by smaller and smaller numbers. *contented sigh*

*meh

movin on ... and movin on ... and movin on ... and movin on! --- (Gorillaz) my mind is racing and my emotions are "crazy"-stopped up. wait = emotional constipation. what would my "fibre" intake consist of, then? hmmm. what generally concerns me: 1. God 2. family 3. friends 4. potential more-than-friends 5. plight of the world ooops! i'm supposed to add myself in there, somewhere. accentuate the positive... eliminate the negative... --- (artist unknown to me)

uhm...

This site is seemingly obsolete, now - with myspace and other established forums incorporating a "blog". I still like it, though. Heading off to Ottawa, tomorrow afternoon. It's not even my singing debut. However, it's my debut of confidence. Oh, right... this is in regards to Canadian Idol. I doubt I can make it to the top but was jolted into the reminder of fear being my only obstacle. On that note, I'm practising my favourite tunes / being true to myself (makeup on the fly and clothing in a bag) / certain that "gosh darn-it, people like me" :o)

Christmas pix of the kids

Seb and Nebs - soooooo damn cute!

Wa-pow!

When it rains... it pours (men, that is). Just like water, they escape my grasp. Sincerely, I'm not obsessed. Nor am I overwrought. However, my state would accurately be described as pensive. "Mary pondered these things in her heart"... this is an attribute I want to develop. Yet, here I am blogging. I just want to trigger some headspace memories. A-ha! my very own personal code!!!

Woes of internet dating

There are some hotties out there! There are some genuinely nice guys ... however we wouldn't be a match made in heaven. Then, there are some really scary guys with tonnes of confidence. I avoid "old"er men because I don't want the baggage and bluntly - why are they still single? UNLESS it's the 40-yr old virgin, I'm simply not interested. I read a profile and translate with that de-coder thing... intuition and "what-does-THAT-mean". I'm sooooooooo drawn to quieter, intense, artsy folk. The looks vary dramatically. Security is a big turn on, too... honest about who they want, what they like, where they're flexible. anyhoo. I'm only mildly frustrated by the misleading profile photos... astounded at how angles, lighting and accessories can make someone look SOOOOO damn good! Just a little disappointment when I look backstage. RECENT pix, people... Recent!!! **oh well** such are the woes of internet dating ;o)

E-mail

I had very limited access to the internet whilst in Kelowna, BC. Work = over 200 emails to process / Personal = about the same number. Thankfully, a number of them are JUNK/disposable. There's popular and then Ridiculous!!! Unfortunately, with all the forwards and newsletters, there's not a lot of time to send out quality messages ;o( **note to self** organize and prioritize in order to "love" people better Thanks for the emails!

I'm loved!

Sent out a "short" questionnaire and received oodles of praise-worthy responses. EVERY single person made me laugh (at a memory or simply picturing their responses). I am so very lucky to be surrounded by fantastic people. It may seem like flattery... however, our friendships are a great reflection of ourselves! ~*~ Love in any other form? no... a continuing "crush", however. My friend describes him as: adorable in an eternally optimistic and earnest way; naturally intuitive and idealistic. She also learned something new - Naomi becomes a wallflower around lads she likes! ** horrible characteristic for first dates ** I read recently that one's amour should instill confidence... for me, it's stage fright! This person may potentially see ME. Girlfriends get there after some unconscious hurdles are conquered ;o) A man? = no more childish games... EEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP! I've watched relationships blossom - languished in the painful moments, rejoiced in the exuberant ones. I've also seen the transition of single to couple... leaving less room for "others". Some handle this graciously and others, well, not so graciously :o) **I am in no place to lose my elaborate support system - friend in need! Me, high maintenance? Just ask my brother (or his friends)! Watched, In Her Shoes, last night - wept the whole way through. Reminded of how much pain comes from a loved one. Bittersweet Joy. Are the depths reached worth the risk? It has to be or else, I'm surrounded by liars :o| This is my headspace, normally, not just due to a crush - that would make me psychotic!!! Experience is a valid teacher, right? I must get me sum o' dat!

check out my newest blog edition - in the hopes of writing my first book! milkygel.blogspot.com

MUSIC!!!

somafm.com is the best online radio

a) can rewind and fastforward (like a PVR) on real player.

b) selection is varied enough that I don't like EVERY single song... but when the good ones DO pop up (often enough to keep my happy)... I'm rewinding and singing / dancing and humming / simply put = enjoying!

This is a picture of me, at work, showing off my Grateful Dead gingerbread man.

Life is so fun. Scary and sad and complicated... but that makes it so worth being a part of.

Relationships are a different ballgame. They're not NECESSARY but certainly desired.

Living vs. Loving. Guess you're damned if you do and damned if you don't :o)

genius?

oh to be a whiz... not even a kid one... simply a savant... not an idiot one, though.

Man o man

so, my "tactics" are non existant. oh, i could say that i pick up or attempt to... but when i blatantly make an attempt i look like a moron (not to mention what i sound like). however, when i'm an available "wallflower" - men are like bees to honey!

28 and still far from 30 ;o)

My peeps exceeded my imaginative expectations... so much that i blushed and clammed up. **they love me** (left to right) Grace, me and Fran. We shared our cake with half the patrons at this Ethiopian restaurant - fantastic food!!! The festivities were in full British flair (music, manners and for a little bit even accents). Started with a tea party; followed with a blindfolded excursion to reveal the Steamwhistle brewery (free beer and a tour). After, we were off to the restaurant... the martini lounge... and we welcomed Sunday morning with the Velvet Underground... whoo hoo!

I got to wear the tiara all day long :o)

Really liking my friends... they know how to make a girl feel special!

Pix of the new kid

Blair Nicholas (aka Nebs) is 15 months younger than Seb. I still can't believe his parents got pregnant so quickly... but I'll avoid passing judgement ;o) He is bigger than either of his predecessors (they were generally in the small weight category = lanky - Adam / Seb). Enjoy!

Halloween 2005

I've just noticed that I can add these in a text post rather than taking a HUGE photo - per page. This way is much better. I can explain them, now, too ... ooooh! smart girl! This is a pretty cool wig!

Permanence

What is permanent. I can change my name, my address, my "profile"... hell, I can even change my looks (from clothing to body parts). Somehow, I'm supposed to conjure up loyalties for companies that could sack me, lovers that most likely leave and family that may or may not be there for me. Maybe this is more a question of consistency/constants. hmmmm....

Adam / Seb

I'm a very proud aunt... Adam Cian was born in April 2004. His mom and dad are dear friends of mine. This photo was from Christmas '04... generally, he likes to wear bright clothing. Gabriel Sebastian aka "Seb" or "the Kid" was born May 2004. His mom is my sister. His dad is a newfie - enough said. (last Christmas, too)... he doesn't enjoy wearing antlers but he's a good sport. ----------------------------------------------

Seb can take some mildly unflattering photos. Cute with a high "regret" factor. Not this one----> in particular but... these ones... eep!

_\

/

Christmas (daddy's girl) 

Oz in May 

Tim Tam initiation 

Oz_May 05 

Oz - from May 2005 (part 1)

One of the many kangaroos that I did NOT see in the front yard of my hosts' home.

Their cul de sac has a little park - with a HUGE spider web made of rope . Early morning I could be found by the inhabitants, wearing my pj's and draped in a bright yellow blanket. Is it really a wonder that they viewed me so strangely!?!

i left the Tdot on a Sunday afternoon, headed to L.A. (5.5 hour flight). I had a layover before leaving for Sydney but not long enough to leave the airport. This next leg of the journey was a 17 hour flight... a VERY long time to sit - don't ever go economy class for long journeys like this... unless you have an aisle seat and can walk, frequently. i asked for the window and regret it, still. *sniffle*

my day in Sydney was spent trying to get a tattoo. this was an unsuccessful adventure - searching for Sanskrit text. as a Christian, I was lacking in the comparison to my persistence and pursuit of another's Holy Script *hmmm*

here're some other sights i beheld:

what time is it?

good LORD! it's October, already! i swear i was 25, just yesterday... quoting Sex in the City "f*ck i'm old!" and now, i'm only days away from my 28th birthday... **insert song and dance** thankfully, 40 (or 50) is the new 30, so i've got loads of time to live. i used to think i'd die young - hoped i was special enough for God to take me early. **insert smack to the head** i was at a funeral on Saturday and the mourning family was content... their son lived his life fully... heeding his motto "Carpe Diem". when he died there were no regrets - save not wanting him dead. my friend pointed how uncommon this is. we all hope to say the same... throughout the service i was pondering the self-absorbed notion of what my funeral would be like. this family, in particular, was Irish and in true fashion celebrated his LIFE. i'd like that... for my life to be an example. asking my family what they would say are my best and worst traits... i fully anticipated what my "worst" traits were - *ahem*. however, i was taken aback by what was considered my best. i have spent so long trying to fix myself... it brought tears to my eyes that my perception of another's view of me could be so harsh. love is described as many things - all pervasive and Strong. how could i doubt its goodness, as well. i'm taking away from this life thing something good. and it's time i focused on it, too!

Nerd / Stud

a moment of "sharing" has revolutionized my outlook on relationships - friends, lovers, whatever! my attempts are akin to building a jigsaw puzzle - border first. i throw out the easy stuff, first... divorce, children, death and "would you still love me if i became a paraplegic?". for preparing men for marriage i score HIGH... but not any fruits i can enjoy - they marry (soon) after we break up. in years past this could have spurned an embittered rant... but not now. married people consistently share their "wish" to be single. *contented sigh* besides raising a few eyebrows and sounding "interior" alarms (run away, run away...) my intense and gruelling approach to love has been a one- sided attempt to avoid pain. how ridiculous and familiar i must seem. in gentleness and kindness, a dear friend explained the need to start by building a corner - creating a picture... not resembling a jigsaw puzzle of borders and such, at all! this mini portrait may only ever be a sketch or small snapshot. hopefully, it was an enjoyable experience. in moving on i can decide to replicate the illustration or create something wholly different or retain elements... whatever! God was Creator first and has consistently revealed Himself as Love. how much MORE in life-long relationships should this be exemplified (and worked at)?!! This makes me wonder about God - is he a nerd or a stud? i prefer a quality nerd, anyday... however, that would make him a stud, in my eyes. *ahem* such depth ;o)

Creative blurbs

Last night, I was consistently reminded of my new hairstyle. Everywhere I turned someone would comment on the length or colour. My hair is uber short because I got sick. Not cancer but my insides were rotting - seeped with poison... ewwww! To compliment the length and add some pizzazz I created an interesting shape of colour. First off, i need stronger bleach (v. dark brown hair). As a result the purple fades quite fast. This leaves me with patch-ey colour. I'm questioned on my Jewish heritage (yamika), my angelic roots (halo). My idea was spawned from seeing a girl with blond hair... and a dark scarf around her head. As I got closer, I realised it was simply colour! ** thanks to whoever you were ** Either way, I am satisfied in my originality. I need to stop trying so hard!

viewpoints / misunderstandings

a) i don't know how to "design" a webpage... so, this looks hokey. b) i forget that my random mind is not ALWAYS understood by others. c) my sarcasm may only be funny to me. This is coming from reading my profile info - after reading a few others. There is a discrepancy between what I mean to portray and what I eventually type. I like to think that I am funny with moments of brilliant insight. I also like to believe that my way is the enlightened one. *ha ha ha hahahah* It only takes a minute of "editing" to recognize that I'm intense, stubborn and opinionated at best. Not to say I don't like myself... just that I forget these charateristics. I figure, though, that I am open-minded and that cancels out stubborn. ~*~ trumping traits~*~ see! brilliance!!! Portrayal... portrait... self reflection. When I complete a self portrait, I imagine it will reveal a lot - to me. I anticipate, however, getting lost in the details - what colour to use, how "accurate" the depiction is, why this line or angle of shadow. Artistic impressionism... hopefully freeing my inhibitions. Which brings me to a recurring thought, today - is there a "better" personality? I love the Meyers Brigg descriptions (questions need to be updated, though). There's another test called "Life Languages" and originally, of courese, there was the Temperament Assessment. Each defines strengths and weaknesses rather than right and wrong. Personally, I figure which I want to be and answer the questions. This defeats the purpose. There has to be some sort of explanation or "this is common for the --such--&--such-- personality".

"had a bad day"

I haven't... I'm just tired. However, this is the title of the song I heard. Contemplating the lyrics whilst driving may not have been the wisest course of action... thankfully, the highway wasn't FULL :o However, my mind was filled with thoughts of victims - cancer, nature, politics, abuse, terror. Each one hurts. Yet, pain is a constant and remains unavoidable. Then there's death. It, too, is inevitable. Sometimes, I'm morbid - part of the territory, I suppose, of philosophy. The big picture includes wisdom and children are a fantastic source. Hope, then, is our ally. Beyond "love" and warm fuzzies... this foundational component drives the human spirit. THEN love in action sustains it. Had a bad day - move through the pain... from one minute to the next. Sometimes it is catastrophic taking a lot more than hope or love to propel (ie. anticipation). Either way... I hope you have a fanta-bulous life - scrapes and all!

Lyrical soul, anyone??

may "friendships" sprout - where you least expect them... dreams fulfilled in the most bizarre ways... hope take flight - high above imagination... and all... knowing God is near! ~ 4 July, 2005 ~ It's a strange thing re-reading what I've written, in months past. Especially when I've been particularly vulnerable. Blogging aside (as infrequently as i do it)... I tend to "journal" as though someone will read my text. Paranoia or a sense of watching myself, from the future. I don't know - reminds me of being "baked", either way. That said (guarded writings) - vulnerability in my personal meanderings is sketchy, at best. When i read an HONEST assessment of my insides - beyond occurences, self absorbtion and the like - i am always pleasantly surprised. there really is something beautiful, creative and spiritual. Absolutely Nothing strived for. So, living? Freeing my mind doesn't even help in this process. But as i continue... I'm certain there will be more and more and more - "BC, here i come!" **well, in 3.5 months**

Notes to Germany (part 2)

Friend, regarding the princess and the warrior actors... i love Franka Potente. her actor counterpart is quite attractive. i mentioned the movie because of the DANCING comments. i want to be a princess. i want to have a "warrior" of my own. this movie "der Krieger und die Kaiserin" reminds me of me.**crazy people falling in love** --- response on learning german --- The typical german will not look for pronounciation so much as correct syntax and especially words, in a foreigners speech. Syntax is words rather than place(here) in the sentence, that´s why.English is vice versa. If someone gets above the usual 0% level of other people´s approaches you´ll be shown deep respect. Reason is because it takes a lot of discipline and involvement , also sometimes culturally, to do that (in the germans mind). i´ts not really like that. still thisis what a german wants to "see"/ hear.

Notes to Germany (part 1)

Age: 27 Occupation: Receptionist Hobbies: reading, driving (fast), photography Siblings: Rachel (26) Ben (22) Nationality: born in Jamaica, raised in England My favourite food: German sausages My favourite film: Ever After My favourite person: My nephew, Seb My favourite place to holiday: Iceland My favourite book: The Poison Wood Bible Hello to all of you students in 6b! Canadians are proud of their country's nature (bears, salmon, wilderness). The maple leaf is our national symbol that we are also very proud of. Right now, I work in an office. Later, I plan to work with children that need help in third world countries.

Blair Nicholas Taylor

Auntie news, again! This time, Rachel was prepared for the c-section. Scheduled and ready to go at NOON, today. Little Nicky is a WHOPPING 8 lbs, 13 oz. **the alien/torpedo is out** 23 inches long... she got to hold him, right away! Lucky for him - he looks just like his brother, Seb. Seb was 15 months old, yesterday and cutting his eye teeth... so, he's drooling and has runny poo-galore! **oh, the joys of parenthood** Pictures will follow at some point. I'll get to see him, in a couple of hours. COMMENTS: ~Perhaps we should find out if there is a "most excited Auntie of the Year" contest? ~the heir and [now] the spare to the kennedy dynasty

Rant about the Insurance Man

Ridiculous premiums for diddly-squat! "No-fault" insurance, in Ontario, means that each injured party goes through their own providing company. As a passenger - I still had to claim through my own insurance. As a rear-ended driver - repeat previous sentance. Now, ignore the three "convictions" for speeding (15 - 20 kms over) because the insurance broker has. I was informed that my "high risk" status was due to claims. I was impatient and my telepathy wasn't working too well. He pulls into the left side of the road and my assumption is that he's turning into the street, over there - can't be too certain, though, because there was no indicator. Carrying on my merry way AND THEN *bam*... I'm t-boned by the oldtimer, from out of town! My body has spasmed its muscles and demands physiotherapy with chiropractic care. Another claim. All things considered... the WORST part is that my psychotic rates don't include compensation for my car. *blah blah blah* it's safer to CEASE payments!

Changes

It intrigues me how something could be so profound, in a moment... and the next, "something" completely different. Elaborate? I shall. Re-reading: ~ my idea of self - awfully negative! ~ email about life - random, dramatic and misleading *blah blah blah* Our minds change so much with the bombardment of daily information. Personally, a new thought-string takes me to another realm; a shift in paradigm creates a view, more broad; slowing down to see the world through the eyes of my nephew opens me to discovery. I believe that it is possible to change - for every person to take responsibility and grow more. I desire to see the world find peace. I want to see relationships last in monogamy, till death interrupts. OH! to see an end to all that's wrong in this life. Unfortunately, we enjoy our comforts and fail to see "enough is enough".

Friends

There are friends and then there are Friends. We all have friends... people that we get along with; see them "often" enough. Hopefully, though, we're (each one) lucky enough to find Friends. These are those who irregardless of time, distance, age, stage or predicament - none of that matters. Their company brings understanding, ease and unhindered depths of conversation. Perhaps the distance and time freeze the other in our mind's eye and the reuniting awakens them to us. Much like a celebration of birthDays, christmasDay, civicDay - any DAY that's not with us week in, week out... special people are treats. These people are fantastic and catching up can take wonderful hours... oh! and reminiscing!!! Bringing us back to memories and shared joys or experiences. What BLISS! Yet, is it possible to experience this heightened sense each and every day? Or does the mundane prepare us for the extra-ordinary? I'd like to live on a plane of joy (deep seated, no matter what circumstance) that looks for the new. To express creatively, love. In the pursuit of learning different aspects of love, I appreciate, as appropriate, what another has to offer - looks, kindness, wisdom, passion (nice way of saying ANGER). People. I have to remain positive or I'd try to kill everyone (with my ideals)!

Standards

Is it possible for realistic expectations to be TOO high? I don't want a relationship, right now - I'm enjoying my freedom and independence. However, a date, now and then isn't a "bother". In a relationship, I know what I'm looking for... and for now, I enjoy the "prowl" - commitment, however, will quell this. As I get older, I begin to wonder - "what's wrong with me?" So, the first area to dissect, of course, is my expectations. Only one item (on my list) has changed. This list is a sum of ideal characteristics - it's understood that I reflect these traits... eventually. oh well... meanderings...

Time

Today is a new day... here. Compare: UK, it's afternoon; Australia, it's almost bedtime. So... is the dawning of a new day (season, riptide, etc) more a change within ourselves rather than a calendar? **ie. astrology, current division of days, religious festivals** One may hope to succeed in a "new year's resolution". However, a resolution could take place at any time, any week of the year! Change hinges on choice, after choice, after choice. I figure that everyone changes. Without conscious effort, most change for the worst. Whereas persistent dedication and relentless support... effect a change via self-awareness / enlightenment. So, a lifetime is a great time to exercise potential. Many attempt to inspire hope regarding our existence and how we can do SO much. Well, so much can be accomplished by the fulfillment of ourselves. Time is beyond us. We are not in control of our lives. One bigger than ourselves can stir us to better things. <*insert various arguments*> So often, I try to accomplish change, on my own. Even in practising religion... I still struggle to "grow". Granted the only thing that's helped me live in any level of human decency is a recognition of One who loves me. This love is evidenced in my relationships, in nature, even in pain. Grasping a hold of Love has changed my life, my outlook and my headspace. I was not created / invented / put here for myself. However, it is in and through love with my Creator that I love myself and out of that foundation... I "love" others (see the Golden Rule).

Perfectionist??!

I have been called many things in my life... but this is absurd. If one was to successfully cross the threshold of my bedroom - strike that... catch a glimpse of the mess KNOWN as my bedroom it's quite apparent that my tendancies toward perfection are lacking, to say the least. Mind you, it was pointed out that my room IS a catastrophe because of my verging on OCD. And then there ARE the uberhigh expectations... for self and others. Yet, I just recognize that "click" when things look, feel, seem right. Before this snap of completion... I may sweat the small stuff. However, nothing is ever perfect... there always seems to be a white smudge, somewhere on that photocopy. *hmmmm* I did protest, for ages, a tendancy to be bitter... although, it's still only admitted to, in hushed circles. oh well. another day, another story.